Pushing the limits

Have you ever had one of those moments where you float outside your body, look down at yourself and think, “How in the world did I get here?” I had one such moment last weekend, as I found myself perched on top of a precariously overcrowded, rickety old city bus, which was careening dangerously down a mountain pass toward the Kathmandu Valley, all the while playing a funny game of chicken with the cars and motorbikes going the opposite way.

Now, normally in threatening traffic situations where I am not in control of the vehicle, I either a) tense up and whine softly to myself, b) demand that the driver change his ways (usually, this reaction is reserved for Sam), or c) close my eyes and pretend to be somewhere else; but in this particular instance, as I held onto the bars originally intended for luggage, I was so distracted by the stunning beauty surrounding me that my grip actually loosened. I was conscious that there were mere feet between the wheels of the bus and the sheer drop of the cliffs, but I felt only awe at the intense green of rice paddies glowing in the afternoon sun against a horizon of purple mountains (majesty!). Maybe it was the fact that my fellow passengers (all locals) seemed not to have a care in the world and chattered cheerfully with each other, but I felt completely at ease and happy to be in the “fully air-conditioned” section of the bus, as one man put it. As I let the endorphins of this experience rush over me, I thought, how in the world did a shy little girl from the comfortable suburbs of San Antonio, Texas, come to be in this unique moment in Nepal?

The thought amused me at first, but caused me to reflect over the next day or two on the incremental decisions that brought me there. It wasn’t that I woke up one day in my childhood bedroom and said “I think I’ll go live in the Middle East and trek around 3rd-world countries now.” Rather, it was the slightest nudges at the boundaries of my life that over many years expanded my comfort zone. I am able to trace the origins of my adventure-seeking back, I think, to a decision to transfer from my small private school, where my 9th grade class had 50 students, to the local public high school where my 10th grade class had something like 800 students. This was difficult for a 14-year-old, but manageable and worth it. Next I got it in my head that I wanted to tryout for the dance team (I had befriended several dancers and saw their lives as exciting and glamorous). And then there was the decision to buck the Texas A&M-trend that my three older siblings had solidified and attend Baylor instead. This was truly key, for it was at Baylor that I met Sam, my traveling buddy and partner in trying new things.

After graduation, we married and moved slightly further from my family (about a 5-hour drive), and in less than 2 years we were living all the way on the East Coast. After a visit to Cambridge I got the crazy idea that I wanted to go to Harvard. And after living in the bustling and diverse Boston-metropolitan area, it was much easier to imagine myself living a new culture altogether. Enter Abu Dhabi and the chance to travel the world. And now, even our traveling destinations have become more rugged and challenging as we go along. Starting with Switzerland, then on to China, then to Egypt, Jordan, and Nepal.

If you had thrown me direct from San Antonio to Kathmandu I might have curled up in the fetal position and waited it out (in fact, this was my basic reaction at age 14 when my family went to Nairobi on a mission trip, but that is a story for another time). The point is that it’s satisfying to realize that things aren’t as scary as they once were. I still like my comfort zone, but that zone is a whole lot bigger than it used to be. And this brings freedom. Freedom from fear, and freedom to throw my head back and feel the wind and sun on my face as I ride on top of a bus.

More pictures and commentary to come...